Hairless pussy for life

hairless pussy.jpg

I've long been a fan of having little hair down there. I like a smooth pussy because for me it feels good, I swim a lot in the summer and I find sex always feels better with a mostly bald entertainment centre. Now when I say "smooth" I mean mostly bare with a little landing strip, how else do the dudes find their way?

While I may love having little pubic hair I've never enjoyed the procurement process. In fact I really dislike waxing and I hate shaving even more but because I'm vain and it would appear sadistic, I have endured the monthly wax, on and off for years.

During one particularly painful wax when I decided to book a session for the day after my period ended, (like I said, fucking sadist) my lovely beauty therapist, Leeanda, told me she was about to end all my woes by introducing me to a totally pain-free laser technology called SHR that would remove my hair permanently with little maintenance.

Bullshit, I said, there is no such thing as a pain-free laser, everything I'd heard about IPL and the like was that at best it feels like some evil biatch is flinging elastic bands at your skin and then throwing her heard back in laughter. 

Leeanda swore the new technology was sans pain and she seemed genuinely convinced so I thought what the hell, I'll go away do some research. Surely it can't be any worse than this.

 

THE MAGIC TECHNOLOGY

I began my rigorous research (thanks, Google) to learn more about this SHR (Super Hair Removal) unicorn. I found out that the word on the street is that it is actually pain-free. The secret sauce is that it gradually glides across the skin slowly murdering every individual hair follicle in its wake but in a really gentle, hardly-know-it's-happening kind of way.

It also has an inbuilt cooling system and is used with a cooling gel so even though your hair follicles are being fried it feels to you like they're enjoying a nice cool G&T by the beach somewhere. Plus the technology was developed by an Israeli company so...#coolness. If you want you can read more about it all here and here.

 

THE ARRIVAL

In the days leading up to my laser session I was a mix of excitement and trepidation. If it really was painless this was going to change my life, if it wasn't I was going to be tortured for 15 minutes while being semi-naked.

I chose optimism until the day before my appointment when I received a Facebook message from Leeanda asking me to shave beforehand otherwise the pain will be so intense I might die a slow death (well she didn't really say the part about the pain but a pessimist masquerading as an optimist can read between the lines).

As much as I hate shaving I wanted to see my 34th year out so I did a half-arsed job with a mostly blunt razor, which by the way I don't recommend you do. Instead, listen to the refined crew at Refinery29 who judging by this blog post get together regularly for Pussy Shaving Parties.  

I rocked in 10 minutes before my appointment just so I could psych myself up even more (#anxiety) all the while scratching like a dog with fleas because, well, shaving. I could feel my armpits becoming moist (ew) and I was nervous. Being naked and exposed down there when you have an idea of the imminent pain is hard enough let alone when you have no idea how your body is going to react to something it has never experienced before.

Luckily Leeanda's good and knows her stuff. As she booted up the laser she asked me a series of questions to determine my skin type to ensure she input the correct settings into the machine. We then donned the sexiest glasses you ever did see (Le Specs eat your eyes out) and she applied cooling gel to the area she was going to cover with the laser.

For a moment I started to relax a little. It almost felt like I'd come back from a day bathing naked on a yacht and cooled my sun exposed southern bits with a gentle caressing of aloe and then I remembered I wasn't on a yacht, I was on a bed possibly about to endure unimaginable torture.

 

BLISS OR BATSHIT CRAZY?

So there I was watching Leeanda grabbing at the laser. I could feel the sweat compounding in the fold where my butt meets the top of the back of the thigh, the soles of my feet and my palms were glossy too. And suddenly there is contact and I'm mentally psyching myself up for yelping "fuck that hurts, STOP, I can't take this anymore!".

But Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I could feel the laser creeping its way across the well-lubed surface and a little warmth in some sensitive areas but other than that nothing. This laser was simply gliding over my pussy slowing sucking the life out of my hair follicles and I couldn't feel a thing. Bliss. Fucking bliss.

And then Leeanda asked me to roll onto my side, lift up my leg and part my bum checks. I'm used to this, I always get the hair ripped from between my checks because if you're going to do something, do it properly, right? Except I'd totally forgotten to shave that part. How do you even access it anyway? And it was then the evil bitch with the elastic bands shimmied her way toward me and BAM! 

Note to self: don't forget the arse. The arse is important.

 

DRUM ROLL, PLEASE...

It was over within 20 minutes and while I was licked with sweat it was all due to anticipation, not pain. Leeanda gave me a small tub of aloe to apply if I felt any discomfort that evening or the following day. She checked in with me two days later but I had nothing to report. There was no pain at all.

The only disappointment was that unlike the instant gratification of a wax, laser presents a longterm reward. Usually when I walk out of a waxing session I have something to show for it. I generally like to get home, shower and prance around naked looking at my raw play station.

I'm told most need between 6 and 10 sessions with 1 to 2 yearly maintenance follow-ups and even though the procedure costs roughly 3 times that of a standard wax it works out to be the cheaper option in the long run. (Just make sure you find a good therapist who knows what they are doing!)

It's hard to tell after just one session how well it's worked but I'm excited and quite willing to deal with a badly shaved pussy for a while because I know I'll be rewarded later. Two marshmallows are better than one, right?

 

TO BE CONTINUED...

(Stay tuned for updates as I continue to travel with my pussy on her path to enlightenment)


 

Got any questions about SHR, IPL, waxing or shaving? Submit them below and we'll get you some answers!

Name
Name