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the virgin files

true accounts of our first sexual encounters

 

Our very first time can be messy, good, embarrassing, fun, painful, frightening, the list goes on. For many of us it's a big deal and we can feel really alone. If you know anything about House of Theodora, you'll know we're all about opening up the discussion around sex because popular media would have you believe that your first time should be a beautiful, sensual experience like a scene from a French movie with really good lighting. As we all know though, life isn't all roses and sensual lovers. So let's talk about our first time - the good, the bad, the ugly, the everything.

Below you can read submissions from women and below these there is a form in which you can add your story. We'll publish new submissions once a week. Thank you for being part of our movement.

 

At what age did you do it? 20

Who was lucky enough to be your first? To be honest, I don’t remember his name, but I do remember he was a firefighter.

How did you feel about having sex for the first time? I was happy to have finally had sex, as I was one of the last people in my social circles to lose their virginity. After having had sex, I was confused because I was like “...so that..that was it. that’s it?! That was what all that fuss was about.....I feel like nothing has changed, isn’t there supposed this feeling of being changed?”

What kinda sex was it? Penis-in-vagina penetration

How did it play out? Threesome with one of my best friends and a random stranger we had met during a night out. I love the story, because it was funny and ridiculous. The sex HURT because he was going like a fucking rabbit, and my friend was trying to slow him down because the guy had no clue he was taking my virginity - but he didn’t. Overall, I didn’t feel any different other than having a sore vagina.

Did you have an orgasm? No

Did you practice safe sex? Yes

What would you tell your virgin self now? masturbate! and don’t be afraid to penetrate yourself with toys or your own finger(s).
— Deena

At what age did you do it? 18

Who was lucky enough to be your first? The lead singer of a (probably terrible) local band.

How did you feel about having sex for the first time? I’d never even kissed a boy at that point. I always thought something was wrong with me or that I must’ve just been really unattractive because guys never paid any attention to me during high school. I’d only been asked out once and it was as a joke. My confidence was very low. I was a very hormonal teenager though and all I wanted was to have a nice boyfriend I could fool around with in a safe space. Unfortunately it didn’t happen that way.

What kinda sex was it? Penis-in-vagina penetration

How did it play out? A mutual friend invited me along to watch this guy’s band play at a dirty pub. I was in awe and though the greasy haired skinny boy was the most talented and beautiful human in the world. Our friend introduced us after they finished playing and singer boy bought me a drink. We all ended up back at his place and I got pretty drunk. He was flirting with me and I was amazed because I’d never had anyone hit on me before. I don’t remember how I ended up in bed with him but I remember him kissing me and how nice it felt. The sex lasted 10 seconds because it hurt too much and he stopped. He cuddled and kissed me afterwards though and I snuck out in the morning before he woke up because I was so embarrassed. I wonder if he knew it was my first time. I don’t even remember his name but i found out later that he had a gf that was out of town at the time and I was pretty devastated and guilty. It took me about a year before I tried to have sex with anyone again after that .

Did you have an orgasm? No

Did you practice safe sex? No

What would you tell your virgin self now? There’s nothing wrong with you. I’d give myself a hug and buy myself a vibrator haha
— Alyssa

At what age did you do it?: 22

Who was lucky enough to be your first?: My first real boyfriend

How did you feel about having sex for the first time?: It was fine, nice in fact . We were friends before hand and I new he would be patient. I was sick of people making a big deal about still being a virgin. I figured I had waiting long enough and I wanted to see what the fuss was about.

What kinda sex was it?: Penis-in-vagina penetration

How did it play out?: It was in his room at his parents place, he was 19 , younger then me but had been with a few girls. It wasn’t planned but we had been getting close to it over the last few times we had seen each other, so it was only a matter of time. It wasn’t painful but I bled a little which I was a bit embarrassed about. I remembered not feeling close emotionally with him after which I thought was weird but maybe normal.

Did you have an orgasm?: No

Did you practice safe sex?: Yes

What would you tell your virgin self now?: No your self worth and don’t give into peer pressure. I both regret it and I don’t regret it. I was lucky I had a nice guy but the next guy I dated was the love of my life and I married, so part of me wishes I could have just waiting for him. At the same time the first time we had sex was amazing and not awkward that if I hadn’t lost it first to another guy it might not have been so free and easy and amazing.
— Jayne

At what age did you do it? 14

Who was lucky enough to be your first? Ben

How did you feel about having sex for the first time? It hurt and it was super awkward

What kinda sex was it? Penis-in-vagina penetration

How did it play out? We went to his house and did it on his pull out sofa. It was so awkward and he put on some weird music. Didn’t feel good or bad after, it was a weird experience

Did you have an orgasm? Yes

Did you practice safe sex? No

What would you tell your virgin self now? Well me and the guy are still together after all this so all I would say is maybe wait a little while longer. This guy obviously likes you regardless of if you put out. Let your first time be a magical experience, not an awkward one on a pull out sofa
— Chloe

At what age did you do it? 19

Who was lucky enough to be your first? My boss

How did you feel about having sex for the first time? I was in love with my boss. I desperately wanted him but it was a one sided thing. I pretended it wasn’t my first time but I think he knew. He was much older than me and he was in the middle of a divorce. It was just strange.

What kinda sex was it? Penis-in-vagina penetration

How did it play out? We had sex after work at work in a lady’s office. She was away and we locked the door. It was not romantic and everything like I thought it was going to be. It was just sex to him but I wanted a lot more. It was one of those situations where he was not that into me and it just made me want him more.

Did you have an orgasm? No

Did you practice safe sex? Yes

What would you tell your virgin self now? I don’t know. I kinda wish I’d had it with someone who really wanted me but at the same time I thought my boss was a god. That sounds so stupid.
— Evie

At what age did you do it? 17

Who was lucky enough to be your first? A really hot surfy guy from South Australia.

How did you feel about having sex for the first time? Well I was anxious not having done it before however I was also keen to get my first time done and dusted! I had nearly done it previously with an ex however it hurt too much so we didn’t finish!

What kinda sex was it? Penis-in-vagina penetration

How did it play out? I met Sam at bar in Bali - I had already kissed his friend at the bar and somehow I ended up on Sam’s scooter heading back to the hotel. I just relaxed from the alcohol and we tried a number of positions including me up against the bath. I had a good time.

Did you have an orgasm? No

Did you practice safe sex? Yes

What would you tell your virgin self now? Don’t stress. It happens when its meant to happen :)
— Bec

At what age did you do it? 15

Who was lucky enough to be your first? A sociopathic jerk who nurtured a lot of mental health problems I was experiencing during the 2 years we dated.

How did you feel about having sex for the first time? I wanted to do it, but mostly because I felt that I was a late bloomer compared to most of my friends. I was very nervous on the day.

What kinda sex was it? Penis-in-vagina penetration

How did it play out? New Years, my mother had left me home alone for the weekend. His mother bought us vodka cruisers and condoms. I did it with nothing but heels on on the couch. I bled so much that I needed to have a shower afterwards, where he joined me and attempted to try it again. It was the beginning of a very detrimental sexual relationship.

Did you have an orgasm? No

Did you practice safe sex? Yes

What would you tell your virgin self now? Don’t do it to impress anyone or “catch up” to your friends. Do it when it feels right, you’ll know. The boyfriend I had afterwards is definitely the guy I should have lost my virginity to, but I guess it’s still not very important anyway, it’s just a social construct to control women.
— B

At what age did you do it? 18

Who was lucky enough to be your first? A guy in one of my classes at university who I had quite a big crush on (although I’d only chatted to him a handful of times)

How did you feel about having sex for the first time? Nervous and awkward - I was definitely ashamed of being a virgin, I thought I was weird because I was 18. I just wanted it to be over

What kinda sex was it? Penis-in-vagina penetration

How did it play out? We ended up on the same night out, we were both drunk and I was less shy than normal. we ended up kissing while walking to the club and decided to go back to his. I remember he left his room to find a condom and I was so nervous I took a massive swig from a bottle of vodka on his bedside table. there was no foreplay and after a couple of minutes of having him inside me I pushed him off, pulled my clothes on and ran out of his room without saying anything. I was just very freaked out, embarrassed and worried that I was doing it completely wrong.

Did you orgasm? No

Did you practice safe sex? Yes

What would you tell your virgin self now? I can’t believe I was ashamed of the fact that I’d never had a penis inside my vagina - like how crazy is that? virginity is such a dumb concept. I would tell myself not to put so much pressure on myself, and that it wouldn’t be a bad idea to say to my partner ‘hey, this is my first time and I’m kinda nervous’. and that the sex I would go on to have in the years after would surpass my expectations and make up for all the awfulness I felt around that time!
— Kath

At what age did you do it? 20

Who was lucky enough to be your first? The dad of the kids I babysat. His name was Chad and he is everything you’d expect a Chad to be. Don’t trust Chads, ladies.

How did you feel about having sex for the first time? Nervous, excited, ready to get it over with. But honestly I don’t really remember having many expectations, as it was a really impulsive and detached experience for me.

What kinda sex was it? Penis-in-vagina penetration

How did it play out? We did it at his recently deceased mothers house which he was in the process of selling. It hurt a bit and I bled but it was nothing unbearable. The first time we couldn’t get it all the way in so I actually wasn’t sure if I was still a virgin or not. I kind of felt like losing my virginity wasn’t a one time thing but more of a process that happened over the first few times we had sex. I didn’t really feel much cause I had a lot of walls up due to the circumstances (he was married and not my boyfriend, there was no love, in fact I didn’t even like him but I just felt compelled to have sex with him). I felt like I should feel guilty cause he was married and I used to babysit his kids. But I didn’t (at least in part cause his kids were brats and his wife had always been pretty cold to me and stopped using me as a babysitter because she thought I did something I didn’t). It wasn’t awful but was by no means pleasurable. I didn’t regret it immediately but I’m mildly traumatised by it now a few years later. I feel really ashamed and like I lost a lot of credibility by making such a poor choice.

Did you orgasm? No

Did you practice safe sex? No

What would you tell your virgin self now? You’re not deformed, men will find you attractive. Just go ahead and date like a normal person instead of having sex you regret just to get it over with. Also, I recommend not being totally over your first time.
— Lyra

At what age did you do it? 17 or 18

Who was lucky enough to be your first? My first love, we met at art school.

How did you feel about having sex for the first time?
Nervous, although not much more than the nervous to kiss him, it was more about having had it. He’d already had sex with an older woman from uni so I was conscious of that...and I felt late to the party with girls at high school talking about “dry spells” before I’d even experienced real kissing. And my younger sister had a boyfriend that stayed over at our house often. We were very close and I knew they’d had sex, maybe I felt I should have before her being the eldest.

What kinda sex was it? Penis-in-vagina penetration

How did it play out? I felt good in principal, that we did, that he was my first, but it didn’t feel good physically so also not good about it or in myself. We did it in his (single) bed. I think I’d slept over at his (parent’s) house before but our relationship was blurry and I often slept on the pull out trundle bed. - reminds me, he most likely pulled out as I don’t remember using a condom. He responded to my hesitations with words that have stuck with me and I doubt he remembers; that sex is an action, one we’ll repeat countless times in our lives, and this is just the first time I’ll do this action...Those words make me sad and not surprised that he broke my heart, more than once.

Did you have an orgasm? No

Did you practice safe sex? No

What would you tell your virgin self now? Be patient, listen to your inner wisdom, remember your worth.
— Heather

At what age did you do it?
I was 17 and it was just before my 18th birthday

Who was lucky enough to be your first?
My first serious boyfriend, Chris. We’d been together for a couple of months. 

How did you feel about having sex for the first time?
I remember being incredibly nervous. I felt like I was a really late bloomer — I didn’t kiss a boy until I was just 17 — and sex was on my mind a lot. Six months before I had sex with Chris, I’d given a guy a blowjob. it was a really horrible experience and I felt dirty afterwards because the guy was a first class arsehole. I was just so over sex and I hadn’t even had it yet but I also I felt like my first time with Chris had to be perfect and I had to be perfect. I thought I was going to be crap it so I’d practiced fucking a pillow in front of a mirror.

How did it play out? Chris lived at home with his parents and we’d planned to do in his bedroom with candles and nice music but on the night we decided to go to a party instead. We were both nervous and awkward and somehow there was this unspoken thing between us that we were going to have sex regardless of where we were. We parted ways when we got to the party and hung out with other people while drinking copious amounts of alcohol and then met back together towards the end of the night. As the party was winding down, we snuck out the front and ended up doing it on a lawn behind the bushes of a random house next to where the party was held. We had no idea what we were doing, it was totally messy and over with very quickly.

Did you orgasm?
No

Did you practice safe sex?
Yes

What would you tell your virgin self now?
Things don’t have to be perfect just let them be what they’ll be.
— Jasmin

At what age did you do it? 19

Who was lucky enough to be your first? It was a drunk one night stand

How did you feel about having sex for the first time? It wasn’t a very good experience tbh, I was drunk and it was a one night stand so I didn’t know the guy which just made it very awkward and uncomfortable.

What kinda sex was it? Penis-in-vagina penetration

How did it play out? We had sex in a hotel room, it was just uncomfortable and because I felt so nervous and I wasn’t turned on it was quite painful. Also because it was a one night stand I regret it, it’s not the way I ever imagined losing my virginity. I feel like I only did it because I wanted to get it out the way which I regret now, I wish I had waited to share that experience with someone I loved.

Did you have an orgasm? No

Did you practice safe sex? Yes

What would you tell your virgin self now? Don’t have sex just because you feel pressured and feel like it is something you should be doing. Do it when you’re comfortable and with someone you’re comfortable with.
— Rachel

At what age did you do it? 17

Who was lucky enough to be your first? A good friend at the time. I’d known him for a few years at that stage.

How did you feel about having sex for the first time? I was nervous once we were in bed but prior to that I’d made up my mind that I was losing my virginity and that was that.

What kinda sex was it? Penis-in-vagina penetration

How did it play out? I don’t remember the finer details but, I went to his house, he lived with his parents, we were in his bed and we had sex. He was on top and I was biting my hand to work through the pain. There was a small amount of blood so I folded up some toilet paper to put in my undies and walked home. I don’t think he knew I was a virgin but he was lovely and we remained friends.

Did you orgasm? No

Did you practice safe sex? Yes

What would you tell your virgin self now? I wouldn’t change it. I felt safe, I was with someone I cared about and it was solely my decision.
— Danika

At what age did you do it? I had just turned 17

Who was lucky enough to be your first? My boyfriend at the time. Who also happened to be my first boyfriend, and my first everything. I was always the token DUFF. The girl that no one ever fancied, or crushed on, or got noticed at parties. He came along and actually loved me for me, and damn straight he was lucky.

How did you feel about having sex for the first time? I grew up conditioned to believe that your first time had to be special. It had to be with someone you really loved. Someone who didn’t pressure you. I thought I was head over heels in love with him, so I was ready. I was nervous, but ready.

What kinda sex was it? Penis-in-vagina penetration

How did it play out? We did it exactly 3 months into our relationship. We had done all the other nitty gritty bits previously, so it didn’t feel like too much of a step up, but we still insisted on making it special. The kind of special where you watch a film, light candles, make a whole playlist, wait until midnight, and boom, you’re suddenly no longer a virgin. Me by The 1975 will never be heard the same again.

Did you orgasm? No

Did you practice safe sex? Yes

What would you tell your virgin self now? Virginity is a social construct, don’t take it so seriously. Whilst I’m crazy happy that I had such a sweet first time experience, sex is normal and fun and doesn’t need to be planned out so meticulously.
— Seonaid

At what age did you do it? 26

Who was lucky enough to be your first?

How did you feel about having sex for the first time? I had a crush on someone for a year and turned out he had a crush on me, we met few times but nothing happened and one day i kissed him in the same place that we met for the first time. For the next day i went to bed with him he didn’t know i was virgin and I couldn’t tell him, i said I can’t do it. He was very understanding he didn’t do it. Then another day again we had oral sex and he fingered me and it hurt we didn’t have intercours then he texted me he know i was virgin but by the morning i saw some blood and I didn’t tell him, but i wish I had told him things would be different by now. We met so many other times but never had an intercours we had one anal sex once after that we kept distance, I really miss him. Then i went to a vacation met someone he put his finger into my vagina and I couldn’t feel anything just numb but then i knew who actually took my virginity.

What kinda sex was it? Penetration with something other than a penis

How did it play out?

Did you have an orgasm? Yes

Did you practice safe sex? No

What would you tell your virgin self now?
— unknown

At what age did you do it? 18

Who was lucky enough to be your first? A nice man. A client. He didn’t know it was my first time.

How did you feel about having sex for the first time? It felt very throw-away. I just wanted to do it and get it over with.

What kinda sex was it? Penis-in-vagina penetration

How did it play out? I knocked on his door. He let me in and we went into his bedroom. There was a brief conversation and then down to business so to speak. I was a little nervous at first but that disappeared quickly. Afterwards I felt high as fuck.

Did you have an orgasm? No

Did you practice safe sex? Yes

What would you tell your virgin self now? Sex doesn’t have to look or be a certain way. Give yourself the time and space you need. Be curious. Explore your desires.
— Sam

At what age did you do it? A few weeks before my 16th birthday.

Who was lucky enough to be your first? A friend of a friend. Also a self confessed ‘man slut’. I feel it necessary to add that I encourage sluts of every and no gender, it just so happens that this one was a complete knob.

How did you feel about having sex for the first time? I wasn’t nervous, nor was I excited. At the time I remember thinking about virginity as an obstacle that was standing in the way of my being a sexual goddess. I wanted to get it over and done with.

What kinda sex was it? Penis-in-vagina penetration

How did it play out? It was the first time we were meeting in a ‘more than friends’ kind of way. And even though I wasn’t planning on it happening that particular day, I knew he was going to be the one to help me get past this obstacle. He wasn’t caring, nor particularly kind. I can remember there being kissing, though it wasn’t at all sexy or intimate. As I was planning on at least waiting until the second meet, I was completely unprepared. There had been so shaving, no pep talk, let alone any freaking fore play. When he started pulling my trousers down I opposed, lightly chastised and told him to stop. When he didn’t listen and carried on anyway, I just thought- “well you did want to get it over with”. I at least managed to convince him (with some difficulty) to put on a condom. And from the moment his far-too-big-for-a-dry-unwilling-virgin cock entered me, I painfully and patiently waited for it to be over. (Side note: I dated him for a month and a half after that, during which I caught chlamydia. I didn’t find out for another 8 months.)

Did you orgasm? No

Did you practice safe sex? Yes

What would you tell your virgin self now? if you want to get it over with, do it, that’s up to you. Just attempt to find someone half decent.
— Asha

At what age did you do it? 16, I even remember the date, the 2/10/1997!

Who was lucky enough to be your first? Craig who I was seeing at the time

How did you feel about having sex for the first time? It felt natural but the internal dialogue was loud!

What kinda sex was it? Penis-in-vagina penetration

How did it play out? We’d had dinner and seen a movie but I can’t remember what they were! We did it in Kings Park on his jacket! I remember my knickers were around my ankles still, there was a little bit of pain but it was nice, I could feel his warmth. It was over very quickly but he was really nice and kind.

Did you orgasm? No

Did you practice safe sex? Yes

What would you tell your virgin self now? Be proud of what you did, it was classy and that was what you wanted.
— Simone

Your first time experience

Got a spare two minutes to share your story? We would love to hear it! It take just 2 minutes to fill it out.

We only need a first name, darling
No need to give us a blow by blow but tell us how did you feel? Where did you do it? Did you feel good afterwards?
Did you use protection?
Hindsight, baby