BE A SEX GODDESS WITHOUT HAVING SEX
I've come across way too many posts on social media and website lately that talk about orgasm as if it's the only reason to be intimate with your partner. It's so pathetic! Way too many people focus way too much on the "end goal", you know it's like Lennon's famous quote "life is what happens when you're busy making other plans". We rush to the finish line without savouring all the special moments. So this little rant is dedicated to savouring all those sensual things you can do before you let your private bits touch your special someone's private bits.
Kissing used to scare the shite out of me. When I was 16 I would practice on my pillow and I remember having long chats with my girlfriends about how you need to vary your technique, don't let the tongue do the same stuff, mix it up, show you're interesting and that you've mastered your craft. Haha, I'm so glad I'm not 16 anymore! The anxiety was palpable!
It's not often we make love without kissing but what I've found is that often while we're kissing our minds can be elsewhere. Maybe we're thinking of something that was said or what's to come. Or maybe we're thinking about the last remaining Snickers ice cream in the freezer and how we can justify eating it all to ourselves. But seriously, if there's only one thing that I can get across it's the importance of just enjoying the kiss. Kissing all at once offers us the touch, smell and taste of our lover (um so lay off the garlic!) Although simple and often taken for granted, it is a sign of true intimacy and relishing every kiss with your partner creates an elevated sense of arousal, heightens your senses and adds to that all important build up of sexual tension.
Everyone has a different kissing technique and you'll kiss each partner differently but the awesome thing is that when you're focusing on kissing and in the moment you'll likely find that your tongues begin to dance so go with it. If kissing isn't something you find easy, try to work on it. It sounds odd (and mechanical) but you can try setting a timer for a few minutes and kiss thoughtfully and purposely for that time. Think of it as a game in which you slowly build up the length of the kiss.
And remember, lots of smarty pants (aka researchers) have shown that kissing hits you with a boost of adrenalin, improves your relationship happiness and it also lowers cholesterol levels, which means more bacon for me!
Making love is about all the senses but touch remains one of the most powerful and versatile paths to pleasure. A massage is a damn sexy way to initiate intimate contact.
Get fully naked and lie down on your bed. Get your partner to massage you starting from the top and back of the head. I also like to have my hair pulled whilst Mr C is concentrating on my head. Seriously, I would pay someone ridiculous amounts of money just to pull my hair.
Moving down the bod, gently nibble and kiss the ears and slowly travel down to the neck where you can alternate between stroking, kissing and biting, if you wish. The buttocks, thighs, upper arms, and back are responsive to deep and penetrating pressure if this is your thing. Try to work in the direction of the heart. When I'm massaging Mr C I like to end with chopping hands on the back and as I've got long nails I also scratch his back and then slap his bum. And then well he can hardly contain himself.
We also use our vibrators and run them along the inner thighs, the nipples, the back, the lips, the feet, the neck. If you do use a vibrator there will be a temptation (particularly if your partner is massaging you) to insert the vibrator into all the tingly places but try to refrain until your massage sesh is up. Trust me, it's totally worth the wait!
A word on oils, BAD babes, if you can use an oil please remember to keep oil and oily hands away from the genitals!
One of the greatest disappoints in #firstworldlyfe is the inability to tickle oneself. But that’s ok because you either have a partner that can do it or you can accost someone in your local market and hope for the best.
Tickling with a feather tickler, horsehair whip or long finger nails go down as my favourite techniques. Much like the massage, we suggest starting at the top and slowly moving down to the lower back, upper thighs and all the way down to the itty bitty tips of the toes.
If your lover is receptive, try getting them to slightly spread their legs and arms so you can have access to their inner thighs. You can alternate your instruments and punctuate with kisses and soft bites. You can also try working from the centre of the body, outward.
The fine skin of the inner thighs is highly sensitive. For women, the pubic triangle has soft sensitive flesh that responds well to being massaged, stroked and tickled. Once this area has been teased, you can focus your efforts on arousing the sex organs.
** The G-spot **
Every woman has a G-spot and it loves to be stroked. It swells and is easily located when a woman is sexually aroused. Get your partner to use their fingers to feel for a slightly raised, almond-sized mass of tissue on the anterior (front) wall of the vagina. Direct and persistent stroking will awaken the G-spot. Once this technique has been mastered, try using a vibrator or penis. As the G-spot lies near the entryway of the vagina, shallow thrusts are most effective.
** The A-spot **
Beyond the G-spot there are other highly sensitive zones located within the vaginal canal that are capable of providing deeply pleasurable sensations. The A-Spot is a patch of sensitive tissue at the inner end of the vaginal tube between the cervix and the bladder. You can find it by inserting a finger into the vagina along the upper wall until you reach the deepest point (just above the cervix). From here, stroke and apply pressure to the spongy area. The finger can then be moved in and out along the upper wall including the G-Spot. Experiment with this to see what excites.
** The Perineum **
The perineum is rich in nerve endings and creates a bridge between the genitals and the anus. It's particularly pleasurable for men but women also reap the benefits. Deep strokes and pressure works best here. For men, stroking of the perineum also stimulates the prostate gland (or P-spot), which is capable of providing intense, pleasurable sensations.
I’ve always been a bit of a foodie and I think that taking time to indulge in the flavours of the foods we eat awakens our often dormant senses. When was the last time you sat down and actually focused on the flavour and texture of something without being distracted by thoughts?
It sounds a little corny and predictable to some but a candlelit dinner is a beautiful beginning to an evening of sensual activities. It helps to awaken the senses and build excitement for the evening's intimate plans. Choose from seafood or light Vietnamese cuisine. Why not take turns blindfolding one another. Indulge in light, fresh foods and avoid fried, rich or heavy foods. Chocolate is a must, of course, I generally opt for 85% Lindt chocolate because it’s my absolute favourite but apparently I’m a weirdo so just opt for whatever chocolate gets your taste buds pumping. Dark chocolate is also an energy booster and will reinforce your sexual high just don’t go eating a whole block of Cadbury chocolate because that much is guaranteed to ruin your appetite.
So seriously, if you’re not 110% completely aroused and in touch with your senses after trying all these, I’m afraid I can not help you.
Have any pressing questions about this or anything else you're dying to know? As always, hit me up and send me an email by clicking the button below. I will do my absolute best to help you with the knowledge and experience I have.