Setting the scene play menu (a preview)
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This menu is for anybody who is having sex now or, if not now, then in the future. It’s a simple play menu that explores how to create a sensual blank canvas for your erotic experience.
In all of the menus I’ve created so far in our BAD* Sex member’s area, they home in on areas of exploration outside of penetration and orgasm. We place too much importance on orgasm and not enough on everything that comes before and after.
Enjoy!
The Aperitif
Imagine inviting a friend over for a beautiful lunch. In the morning, you take a trip to the local farmer’s market, and you buy a selection of sensational seasonal produce – some freshly filleted fish, bright green beans, silky fresh pasta, ricotta that’s still warm, golden dripping honey, bulbous berries, crunchy bread that smells like it was baked at sunrise.
You carry it all home and pop it on the kitchen bench, but you haven’t cleaned up from breakfast – there are dishes in the sink, jam jars, breadboards and butter trays taking space, the benchtops peppered with crumbs and coffee grinds, some puddles of milk. The food scraps from the past couple of days are letting off a pungent smell, and you notice the floor is sticky in parts.
Now, you could prepare lunch amongst the mess. You could try to work around it or push it all to one side, but the experience of cooking that meal with that beautiful produce amongst the mess won’t be anywhere near as satisfying as preparing it in a clean kitchen with a fresh-smelling bin, plenty of space to create and move in comfort, your favourite music playing, and the right kind of lighting.
Now, apply this to sex. I find a lot of the focus on sex is too much about the end goal of orgasm–too much about hurriedly creating a meal amongst the mess– and not giving enough attention to those sensual and intimate moments that awaken our sexual selves.
So, this menu is all about setting the scene, about helping to create a space in which you can fully let go, relax and enjoy an intimate experience with a lover.
I’ve written a set of instructions for how to do this. My setting of the scene will differ from yours, and yours will differ from the next person, but I’ve written this so that you can easily apply it, regardless of your tastes, space and climate. And one of the easiest ways to do this is to think of the senses.
The Main Meal
Touch
Touch is thought to be the first sense that we develop. In this situation, we’re focusing on what comes before physical touch (so touching each other) but think about the tactile sensations you might experience in your lovemaking when setting the scene.
Here are some things to think about:
What’s the bedding like?
If you plan on giving someone a massage or making out on a bed, think about the sheets, duvet, and pillows. Do they feel soft and fresh? Is there a beautiful soft rug you can lay on the bed?
What’s the temperature like?
If you plan on getting naked, is the room a good temperature? Ideally, the room will be a temperature where you can feel the freedom of movement.
What will I or we use on my/our bodies?
This is your chance to think about the sensations that you may like to experience or that you would like to offer your lover. Vibrators, blindfolds, silk ties, and massage oil are examples, but use whatever you and your lover enjoy.
Sight
If we scoot back a little and think of the analogy I gave earlier, we make for a more beautiful space if we clean away the mess we see. Just to clarify, I’m not saying create a clinical hospital room (unless you’re doing the doctor-patient role-play). I’m not referring to the personality of a room or a home or a space, I’m talking about the mess and the dirt that masks the personality.
So here are some questions to ask yourself:
What can I clean to create a more sensual space?
What needs cleaning? Is there dirt and dust? Are the floors dirty or sticky? Are there dirty dishes that need cleaning?
Can I tidy or clear anything away to create a more sensual space?
Are there clothes or shoes lying around that need to be put away? Are there things out of place that needs to be moved back?
What kind of sensual lighting can I create?
I am a mood lighting specialist. I can probably count on both hands the number of times I have used ceiling lights in my home. I have wall lights, table and floor lamps, and many candles. Dim lighting is sexy for many reasons, and many people feel more comfortable having lighting low when they’re naked. So, pop the lamps on, and use the candles. You will be amazed at the difference.
Sound
I think there is no mood killer quite like the sound of the TV going in the background, so kill the switch and consider some other factors:
Are there any noises that will distract us from this experience?
The TV is an obvious one, but also external noises. If there are unpleasant noises outside, what can you do to minimise them? Could you close a window or move rooms? There’s a particular vibrator I have that I call the lawnmower because it is too loud. Even though it’s an incredibly powerful tool, I don’t use it often because I don’t like the noise.
What music is right for your intimate session?
I personally wouldn’t opt for AC/DC. In the previous Games Night menu, I mentioned that we listened to Billie Eilish Essentials because it was a sensual experience. And then I also shared my Sexy 80s playlist with you, which I created when my partner and I had our sexy dance party.
Find something that suits you and your lover. If you’re unsure and you’re on Spotify or Apple Music, look for a sexy chill playlist or lounge playlist. Apple Music even has an “Erotic Bedroom Beats” playlist.
Smell
I recently learnt that we might be able to smell over 1 trillion scents. Isn’t that wild? Smell is important to consider because a bad smell can quickly kill the mood, but strong sweet scents can do the same. Close your eyes and focus on the smell.
What does this space smell like?
Do you need to air the room by opening some windows? Is there a subtle spray or candle you use? I do think subtle works best, especially in a confined space. There are some lovely subtle room sprays or even diffusers you can use. And watch your placement; burning a sweet-smelling candle by the bed may be overpowering.
Taste
This one may or may not apply to your sensual experience. But you may like to introduce food. Dark chocolate is an easy, clean and pretty safe go-to if you want to enlighten the tastebuds. You may also want to brush your teeth before your play date.
How can I introduce taste into this experience?
The following two are not senses but important add-ons to consider.
Distractions
Ridding yourself of distractions is a crucial part of setting the scene. It can be hard enough to get in the moment. Many distractions come and go, but you can minimise these.
What distractions are there that might negatively affect this space?
Are there mobiles that can be moved to another room/turned off? We’ve already talked about the TV, but reiterating here that it is a noisy distraction. Is there a fan left on in the bathroom that’s making an annoying buzzing sound? Close your eyes and listen for distractions.
Curation
When I talk about curation in an intimate setting, I’m talking about collecting and gathering everything you might want for your intimate experience. I’ve already mentioned rugs, candles, food, and massage oils, but if you’re going to use anything else like feather ticklers, rope or lube, or toys and accessories, then have them ready to go. Make sure they are clean, charged, and laid out. They don’t have to be on display but within reach, so you don’t have to disrupt the moment by looking about in a cupboard only to find something broken or not charged.
Take some time to set the scene and help awaken the sensual. Please let me know if you think I missed anything in the comments below. And, if you have a question, head on over to the Ask Me Anything form.
The Dessert (aka aftercare)
Remember, what happens after your sexual encounter is incredibly important. Don’t rush off, don’t be consumed by screens or let your thoughts travel to work, worries, or what comes next. Consider the moments after as important as those that came before any orgasm. Continue to use your senses to enjoy whatever aftercare it is that wraps you in a warm hug and transports you to a place of joy and safety. Let your senses guide you; be in the moment.
Did you like this menu? It’s a tiny morsel of deliciousness offered over in my BAD* [*better and dirtier] sex subscription. BAD* sex is a newsletter where I elevate sexual expression honestly and with a good dose of humour.