IKEA. Evil, clever IKEA. That sleek, exotic discount Scandinavian monstrosity that promises so much but is really just an insidious trap aimed to give you acute anxiety.

You tell yourself as you’re driving around IKEA’s carpark that you know what you want and you’re not one of those who’s sucked into buying a heap of useless shit. You’ll be quick; you cut through shortcuts walking against the grain, the giant arrows screaming at you “ this is not the IKEA WAY!”

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